||[Feb. 16th, 2006|01:19 pm]
Myke on a Byke
I'm trying to study and while the sentances offer a small respite, my brain and my heart are much too cloudy to commit to it all. This mid term will probably be the end of me, so everybody should start pitching in for a coffin now, or at least a folgers tin.
I am trembling, and I have completely broken down more than once today. When I'm not in that state I'm on a precipice right above it, and I have never just stared so blankly at nothing before. I have lost all track of what caused this in the first place (although some relic of it sits close by), and by all means I'm exhausted from talking about it. If I couldn't write though, I'm not sure what would happen, especially after considering the way my body has reacted today. I feel as if things are being kept from me, situations I should be aware of, but if they resemble anything that's going on in my head I may be better off not knowing.
I want to leave so badly, just move away and forget I was ever in this town, that I ever met certain people. But I'll say it until my teeth turn into soil, wherever I go I am still with myself, and no change of environment will help that. And if karma is some true and universal force then I have a good three years of absolute misery in front of me. My apologies aren't worth the iou's they're printed on.